“is it wrong to love you when your heart is some where else?”
What are your thoughts on the Blackberry and the Iphone. Which Phone would you get?
“thinking about how i should have put my money on the blackberry”
“you got me standing at the bottom of the moutain we built”
“everyone is so untrue it makes honestly alonely word.”
So, My friend brought this to my attention, “You should update more”. So, I’m updating, ABOUT TIME EH?! haha
Hmm, There isn’t much thats happening in my life.. OH wait! My grandmother who i was really close to just recently passed away. By recent i mean RECENT! She died on September 17th 2009 at 6:55PM. It was a sad moment for my family and I. Especially, for my mother (obviously). My grandmother was a type of a woman who was a perfectionist (like me), loves to cook (like my mother), and loves to sew ( like us both). We three were the only womans’ in the household. We held everything together. Together we were the power. Without us, the men in the household couldn’t function. This is the truth. Spend a day in my house without us.. There would be war. Anyways, Like i said, my grandmother passed away. Cause of this i have taken time off school for the semester and taken a week off work. I had recently returned and everything seemed soo weird. Counts, people, and etc were like all new to me. Strange huh?
My grandmother was diagnosed with Colon Cancer 10 months ago. A week after my 24 year old uncle died. It was a harsh news for my family to take it. being it was happening all too fast and at the same time. She didn’t go into treatment untill after a few months. But with healing came pain and she was in a lot of pain… may i repeat ALOT of pain! I wish i could have done something for her… But there really wasn’t. I honestly wished that i was a marvel superhero so i can take it all away from her.. That i had indestructable powers. It was far too late… By the time it was July (as you all know… I was in Japan for the month.. my family hid it from me so i can enjoy my time) it was diagnosed terminal cancer. That it had gone straight to her liver and major organs. We all know that The liver is pretty much the gatekeeper for the blood. It decides what goes with and without the blood. It was a hard fact for us to know… But it was reality. There was no running from the truth. Even though it was ugly. By the time, September rolled around my grandmother was in no position to walk or eat. We decided to take her to the hospital three days before her death. My mother was the one with her the majority of the time.
Thursday, finally came. The morning of thursday, i woke up really strange having a strange feelings. you can say that I cried not knowing why i did so. It felt as if my heart was ripped out, eaten and than puked out again. I remember clearly it was 12:54 Pm in the afternoon that my dad called me to tell me, to not go to work and to just stay home and visit my grandmother. At this time i didn’t know what was really going on. Or her end condition. All i knew at that time was she was in the hosiptal and was able to access the drugs she could have. The drugs that could make the pain go away. Anyways, I had a short arguement on the phone about how i couldn’t afford to take time off work (how selfish of me…) but he blurted out, “Grandma is dying…” those three words explained the feeling i felt that morning… Without thinking or speaking… I hung up and called work… Rachel picked up and i couldn’t mutter A THING on the phone. She literally had to ask me what was happening. I just balled and cried on the phone.. I couldn’t even tell her. For maybe a few short minutes, I finally spoke… muttering… my grandma is dying. That was it.. that was what i remember. Everything else was a blur.
Taking off the 5 days of work really helped me refresh my mind and think about everything i could about my grandma. I was obviously, depressed and probably still am. But i know now that she’s in a better place. She can finally after 39 years being away from her husband they are finally reunited at last. She will never have to suffer the pain she went through she can finally laugh like she use to. She was an amazing woman. Tomorrow (friday 25th of september) is her cremation. And I worte her a note and placed a photo of her grandchildren and her nieces/nephews. And of course her daughter.
I LOVE you GRANDMA! <3
So, Saturday was probably the highlight of my weekend. It is proven that i am one accident prone person. All i will say is i slipped and fell. Obtained a concussion. Thats all. The End.
But that doesn’t end my ranting there. I shall go on. What? You’re still reading Great! Now that I have somewhat of your attention. I’ve come to realized how much thoughts i have flooded my head already and I’m not returning to school this semester. I worry too much about the future. I’m worried about moving on and moving out. Moving on, I mean finding the peace in myself and towards the significant other that really hurt me deep down inside. Yea, he was the jerk but he was still my everything. I loved him like crazy. I gave him my everything. except for one. I think I’ve moved on… hopefully. I mean I’ve got crushes and such that keeps my mind away from him. Which is awesome by the way. Why wouldn’t it be?! Moving out, I’m planning on moving out or i will get kicked out and be forced to move to another city/town. Which is a big no no for me. Why? Well, I love my job and I love the people there. Its the only reason why i’ve stayed at this company for so long. Most last for a bout a year or so. I’m going into my 3rd year here. Its amazing how caring people can be! They def are probably the best of the best. I was in such awe! When i was injured on saturday, two of the nicest senoir managers messaged me from a hard day at work asking if i was okay. It literally put me to tears about how much they were concerned with me and my health. This environment is amazing. People who don’t last for more than 3 months are the type of people who aren’t willing to look past the cover of the book. They don’t konw what they are missing. The people who quit always come back but some don’t it doesn’t matter. The atmosphere will change with and without them. I can’t say enough how much i appreciate working with such amazing people. Yeah, we have our ups and downs but they carry such a great support.
I Love you Guys! <3
If you don’t know whats going on… DON’T ASSUME OR ACCUSE!!! Cos its stupid and lame. Seriously! you accuse someone of anything… It ruins friendships and relationships.
END.
So, I noticed many things about people. They’re either full of expressions or none at all. Isn’t it a better world to just express how you feel? Just say it! “I hate you” “I love you” “I cheated on you” “I lied to you” “I think we should be together” “Your hair is gross” “you’re drunk so shut up” “Don’t talk to me that way.. you suck too” People in this world find lying is so much easier.. Its understandable that telling the truth is hard. But i mean if you say your true feelings you wouldn’t have to pretend anymore. You wouldn’t have to pretend to love, hate, or anything like that. Its truly better this way.
For instance… If you like someone.. But you’ve made this front that you’re just friends.. What if.. That person you like thinks they don’t have a chance with you because you’ve made it look like they’re just your friend. Take that chance to resolve your feelings with that person. If s/he rejects you… don’t be all depressed about it.. There about 3.5 billion people in this world… Theres soo many chances of them being your boy/girl friend.
Haha, you can tell I’m in this exact situation right now.. And it sucks. I can’t do anything about it cos theres something stopping me from getting what i want. It truly sucks. I can’t understand why such people put up a front. Here i am showing them my interest but its nothing. But in love… There is no refund or exchanges.
So, my man, If you’re reading this… Take the chance if you notice don’t brush me off.. or for chance don’t brush that girl/guy off. Cos you never know how things with work out. You can ask them how they feel about you but they may ask you to answer them… You should tell them the TRUTH not the lies to save you the embarrassment of rejection or your pride. I’d rather have the rejection than the lies.
I want to see,
Boy: Do you like me or have an interest in me?
Girl: Umm… Do you like me of have an interest in me?
Boy: Yeah i do…
(At this point for SURE she’ll tell you how she feels about you)
I don’t want to see,
Boy: Do you have an interest in me?
Girl: umm.. do you have an interest in me?
(at this point we know that boy likes girl but boy is scare of girl’s rejection… so he saves his pride…)
Boy: Not really… You’re just my friend
(at this point girl may or maynot say how she feels…. if she says she’s interested… even though you rejected her… you can’t really say “oh… Well, i like you too” Cos that just tells her you lied to her.)
Girl: oh…
But who am I to tell you all what to do… Im not experinced in this…
Yupps, I’ve got a crush and hopefully the guy is reading it.. And I’m hoping all the girls and guys out there having trouble or whatnot.. I hope you just take the chance.. No matter what age.. you’ll find her/him!
So, Its been a couple of weeks since i’ve been home from my japan trip. It was alright, my jetlag didn’t last too too too long.. maybe about a week or so.
Its that time of a year again, Summer Love. Haha I can’t say that i have it yet. I was hoping i would get at least something going on. But nothing. There are people who find and there are those who wonder about it. For me… I go with the Flow. Sure, I’ve got an eye out for someone at the moment. really, nothing is going to happen. Why? I’m not willing to do the inciation.. why? Because ive been doing it all my life. I’m playing hard to get baby! The one thing i learned from relationships is you got to let them get to you. The guys i mean. We, women, make it too DAMN easy for men to read us and make it too damn easy for them to get us. They want us? They have to work for us. Cos for centuries, we’ve worked our asses for them. Cook, Clean, Bare offsprings, and give them what they want… What do you get? An empty bed at night. Sure we do it for Love for our men but really women have their needs too. So, learn from this. Give us something and we give to you. Life ain’t so simple anymore. And its not about you or me.. Its about us. Its about friends. Its about life. Living in a world were equailty exist… It really doesn’t look in your homes for instance. if you’re living with your family.. What does your mother do? Cook And Clean right? Your father? Work and TV right? The children? Complain and go out late right? Theres no sharing of chores or of the life they could be having together. Everyone goes their own separate ways.
Also, I’ve been swamped with Bill payments and work. There are no pictures to showcase today! Sorry! On the next post i promise.. I’ll find something!
